I Was Angelic, Naive and Trusted People Easily

I was angelic, naive and trusted people easily.

Until when I stepped out of the little town, I was definitely passionate to explore the big world. I arrived to another side of the world all by my own. Things were great. I didnt feel that homesick at all as I adapted to the environment so easily. Encountered fights and quarrels in house made me realized people are so unique.

They are full of colours. To be precise, there are both bad and good colours. You would never know how well they have those ability to camouflage their another side by backstabbing and backfire.

We had house meeting -revealing the tight strings in our heart by speaking heart to heart between the housemates. We discussed the major cleanliness problem in the house such as the clogged kitchen sink, the excessive rubbish, the issue that our house was that dirty and some tiny bits of misunderstanding between roommates. No one admitted anything. There were fighting roommates, split of gang and controversial hatred feelings divided us until today that we are still ignoring each other.

It is the thorns that we would never could get rid over it.

There were certain times the issue threw me in a great anger that I spoke out for my girls in rude and angry tone. Too much of accusation and blame to us. I never been that mad before back to my hometown. The madness was relevant. because on that spot I felt I'd grown so much of maturity because I learned not to let myself being bullied and to shield and defend myself whenever I get attacked. I speak for the rights and listen when people correct me.

I didnt understand why was I that dumb back then in primary school. I was angelic, naive and trusted people easily that I was fool-played by the bullies in school. I would never let that happen again.

When the house issue was no longer being discussed, neighborhood problems occurred. There were inconsiderate neighbours threw up their anger straight to the face when they caught cars blocking their entrance door. It was just a tiny issue that the moron neighbours pissed everyone that much. There was once these morons let out to me by scolding me like they had those rights to do so. I was rushing to my dancing class that was why I stopped my car in front of the gate and the moron's gate as well. Our houses were those in the corner lot that shares 90 degree entrance door by the way. I just wanted to grab my dancing attires and dash out! I know the moron honked me several times. Trust me, I tried to rush there as soon as I knew that. However, when I was there already the moron parked his car next to me blocking me from reversing and setting my car free. The moron did that on purpose!

OH helloo. I was in rush! I rang the morons' house bell. Apologized so sincerely and politely but what I'd got was words of curse and condemn. Can't you please talk properly and be nice a little bit? It was just a little car issue and you pissed off so many people with your rude attitude. I was so mad that I stood there crossed my arms and staring at the morons in those eyes. I said, I AM SORRY CAN YOU PLEASE REVERSE YOUR CAR? I was so reluctant to apologize to such morons that I swear I wouldnt say sorry if I wasnt in rush. I know if I started the mouth to mouth war to them it would take ages to end the quarrel.



Few days later, the morons started the bomb war again with my house mate's relatives. It was again the mouth to mouth accusations and quarrels. The victims dug out the issue of the morons installed the astro plate in our house. wtf this was serious. Which neighbour of yours did such thing? Their house too small no place to install the astro plate in their own vicinity arr?????

Few hours later, a bunch of policemen rang our door bell. I went out to talk to the police on behalf of the girls only knowing that some moron neighbours reported to the police that our house was too dirty and it affected the neighbourhood. Mind you, our house was contaminated with lots of rubbish that morning because the moron's garfield cat scribbled our rubbish bin until a mess. I didnt know how did the cat entered the rubbish area which was carefully closed. Oh perhaps it was really our fault for not closing the trash bin's door properly. but think about it, did you keep your cat properly from destroying things around?


The morons called the police to threaten us. WHY HELLO? I told the police it was the cat. The morons were there throwing back words of condemnation again saying that it was the wild dogs. A while later, the whole bunch of girls came out to help me out in dealing with the morons neighbours. why hellloo.. have anyone seen a single dog appears before? So obviously it was the cat! I hate cats ever since then. This animal mingled everyday scratching my bread apart, playing with the dishes in the sink, shitting as if our house was their bladder spot and now digging all the rubbish out from the trash bin. The morons denied everything of course.


The entire afternoon the policemen stood quietly outside the house watching the morons and the girls and I shrieking to each other. Even tenants from other houses stood out to see what was happening. The morons pointed their head with their finger saying, "you all brainless izit??!" and words like kurang ajar and even our parents were scolded as well. The girls were great. We were defending ourselves in the quarrel. The morons even threatened us by warning us that they would report this to the college department which they did on the next day. but hyee.. not that we scared! go report la. I complained a lot to the warden already. Even the house's warden knew how horrible this neighbour was. To be honest, I felt so damn good to be able to scold them back that day. Why on earth there was such barbaric person in the world!

Do you have any neighbour opened your house gate door without seeking for permission and parked their cars inside your house? Plus, their Raya kenduri was like hell that they'd arranged the tables and chairs till the corridors and roads. You complained us noisy then how about you?

The pissed off thing left such big impact to myself that I'm still feeling that emotional whenever I narrate it out to my friends. It happened more than a year ago but finally today, I bring this out to my blog, to the public.



Selangor city has no friendly neighbours. They just mind their own business. The only reason they find you is when they want to complain. WE (yes include myself) didnt even bother to know what is our neighbours' name and what are they doing for living. There are no such thing as food exchange and sharing is caring stuff in between the neighbourhood in a hustle bustle city. I doubted that.

I am now no longer that angelic, naive and trusted people easily.
I am now self-protective and selfish because the society changes me.

P.S: aww. you must be so tired to read until here. but hyee.if you made it you're an awesome reader! =)

Besties, Soulmates, Awesome-mates, Sweetest People

Boo! Let me introduce my bunch of besties to you

I have besties
I have soulmates
I have awesome-mates
I have the sweetest bunch of friends

Eevee labelled me as V.I.P because these bunch of friends hardly can invite me out for an outing nowadays.

I'd turned out on the faithful day with the mission to buy birthday presents for these important people.

These are the people that we used to see almost everyday in the past, and not seeing them that often anymore when we parted ways.

These are the people that we connect to each other by conversations via cell phone/facebook/msn etc but not face to face anymore.

These are the people that we do not talk heart to heart like the old time used to be and end up in every meeting we'd talk until the end of the world

Sometimes it feels so strange that there's nothing changes us no matter how long we've lost in contact.

We've all grown in different environment when time consumes. True indeed, we're much matured compared to the past.

However, the grown never changes the ties

Human relationship is so miracle. It comes in fate.

Once they've been marked as besties in you heart they would just forever to be

P.S: I'm going to Kuching a.k.a Meow City in two days! souvenirs anyone? =)

Of the Upside Down in Life

Listening to: Vanilla Twilight, Owl City (click to listen/download)

I know I have not been blogging that often anymore. Incredibly, this is the 8th blogpost of mine for this month. My most shocking record for two years. Life deserves a break, career deserves a touch. but I'm back now! =)

Do you still remember who writes Little Whispers?


This is me. CAYENNE

omg. I'm so thrilled. I didnt know that I can just straight away drag pictures from facebook to my bloggie.

I felt completely drained for the past few months. Yes, everything has ended in just a day. Yes, I teared a drop. and I have no idea how did it happen.



I never memorize any single script for my presentation. It's like the zillion'th time I did presentation and I'm totally immune to it already.

To deliver a good presentation,
You just need to understand what exactly do you want to deliver and do bullshit if things gone awry. In fact, we bullshit in our daily life to convince people and to earn for living.

I reckoned I didnt throw the best out because I was so short of time. My body condition did no allow me to continue the battle anymore. Too much of oils gone, I couldn't hold on. It sucks. Bad stuff stroke that hard in everything that I was about to fed up in career for one moment. When the tiny stuff stacked up a little by little, it just transformed to a real big issue.

I wanted to do well for my finals. I didnt want to screw my previous results. I wanted so much to score distinction again. I wanted to prove to my self-ego even though I failed myself in my SPM but I will succeed myself in degree. Why am I so ego?

Do you read me?
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

During all the bad times, there were supportive friends that patted my back asking me to hold on, there were coursemates battling the war together with me, there were people that gave me advices, there were people just lend me so much of loving hands. These supports made me touched in tears. I know I'm that adorable. =)

In every tunnels, there are lights at the end of the walk.

I still believing


Life should be full of passion. I wanted to end Little Whispers since last year because I truly knows what I really want in life. but hey, no worries, Little Whispers is too much to be left behind. I shall continue writing.

Till then,
Cayenne

I Wanna be a Billionaire so Fricking Bad

Listening to: Billionaire, Travie Mccoy

I wanna be a billionaire so fricking bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen

Woops, sorry for the long seven days hiatus guys. Been busy. I shouldn't be blogging right now though. but yeah, I'm that hopeless. The good side of it proves that I'm a good goodie blogger? =)

The compilation of pictures below are those that I miss to do right now.

For the past few weeks I've been stressing so much of myself of all the shits happened in my educational life. Saying goes, if I don't go robotic earlier I would end up like a zombie. I hate proceeding slow, I hate that I couldnt go faster. but I'm happy because that's the process that I've learned so much.

I'm still holding on to move towards. It's the faithful dream that I'm responsible to.

Blessing enough, in every final minute when I am about to fed and burst, there is a shine from someone precious that would volunteer out of the dark tunnel. The precious hand that they've raised has letting me know that they do not want me to give up. Thank you all whoever you are=)

carpenter uncle: my prototype would be a disaster if you didnt allow us to make use of your work shop at the night time.

You let me know learning is not exactly throwing money to someone to do it for you.

classic art uncle: The simplest steamboat dinner in the middle of hectic'ness chilled us up.

It's the pot of love from you.

cendy and xinhui: I never know what would happen if you girls are not there with me. The panic afternoon made me smiled a little while. =) and yes, the rest of my life when I recall.

awesome girls. =)

lihan: the pat on shoulder and the little helping hands in the computer lab made me wanted to hug you out of the center. HAHA =)

thank you dear

I've confirmed my internship training next month. And I'm still thinking whether should I continue to be a cow? It's good enough that I will not let myself to be a zombie anymore. well life, it's something that I never can bear to let it waste a little minute. I'm a cow-conclusion.

I'm in dilemma should I get the red and white strips skirt? but most girls maybe only me? would snap a picture of the selected piece in the fitting room because we'd decided not to grab it home. do you?

uh oh, I'm that random =)
I'll come back soon with interesting stuff to blog about. tuned tuned stay =P


P.S: Uh OH. It's just a song. Not that I really want to be a billionaire.
2nd P.S: The song links in some of my blog entries are download-able. Go download because cayenne listens to good songs only.

I'm Doing What I Love Right Now. It's That Love

For another hour, I think I deserve a few minute to blog my heart out.


I know mom wants me to bring her out for shopping. The mahabesars a.k.a dad and mom want me so much to be there with them for every breakfast. You have no idea how bad it feels to dash out almost every morning with those rushing expression and gulping the cup of honey in hurry. The robotic routine is sucks. I say no and I'm busy to parents whenever they ask me for a tearful outing. No I cant go shopping, no I cant go seremban on this time, no I cant this I cant that.

There are certain times that I wanted to yell out of my lung with the words: "please don't disturb me" but well, I manage to let it go once only and it was because I was bursting already. If you were in my shoe, you would probably not that good in managing your own-self or to be precise, you own anger to your parents that nag on the wrong timing. It sucks.

If I were the me in a year or probably two years ago, I would express myself out like this: What I need now is a tiny little moral support and words like you can do it. NOT: what for you torture yourself in that way. QUIT. GO QUIT.

My mom says those all the time and I hate. Thinking on the brighter side, what mommy in the world would still ask her daughter to hold on when she witnesses herself how the hell she's trying to survive. but when time consumes, I don't seek for understanding anymore. No one that is not in the same field with me would understand. And I don't need those understandings anymore.

Desmond, you'd once said that, "I think you'll be happier if you have a boyfriend right now"
But I don't think so

However, I bear with all that by telling myself I have another two weeks to end. I am not going to screw up everything. GIVE THE TWO WEEKS THE BEST SHOT! and trust me, I can do it!

Don't mislead me. the naughty deeds were all done by this Amos cookie

Life still goes on, I really don't want to die right now. XD. I've been running and rushing near to insanity because I'm dealing with something that I have no idea how to realize it. I'm not a freaking carpenter and my knowledge is ZERO TELUR BESAR! But still I give it a shot. True, I've limited so myself that much because I have no guts to do something that is way too complicated to be constructed. I failed myself.


I was at the workshop days and nights. It was either at the college's workshop or the furniture customizing shop. For the past few days, I had contaminated myself that much amount of dust each day. It was when I clean myself with cotton+make-up remover, the whole surface of the cotton was in brownish black. No joke. By the way, I do clean myself with make up remover daily even though I did not apply make up. And I shower myself half and hour. I hate myself to be that dirty for all day long. But it was the fun of doing DIY stuff.

babeh! I've made my own prototype with my own bare hands. of course with the help of machines.

I shall stop writing like I'm that pathetic now. but I'm doing what I love right now. It's that Love, and it's that torturing dreams


XOXO

Twelve Sinful Slices of Cake

The other day I tweeted that I bought twelve sinful pieces of Secret Recipe cake. That's how the cakes assembled themselves to be one complete pretty sweetie cake for Mother's Day. Mommy is a huge fan of Secret Recipe. No joke, Secret Recipe is a must-have-food for Mom every time she visits the West M'sia. In case you do not know, my parents both are staying at Sabah, Tawau but all their children are at the West for studies and probably work in the future.


THE CAKE
I wanted to try all the twelve slices of cake!! but damn la. I will die with guiltiness.

The menu for today:
Six (6) slices of cheese cakes: Marble Cheese, Blueberry Cheese, New York Cheese, Chocolate Cheese, Hazel Cheese, and Caramel Cream Cheese
Another five (5) chocolate cakes: Chocolate Fudge, Chocolate Moist, Chocolate strawberry, Chocolate Indulgence, and Chocolate Chip Walnut
Another one (1) healthy cake: Trans Fat Free Peach Cream Cake

Hit me with questions which one is the best!

To warn you, yes it's slightly more expensive if you buy all the cakes separately. Mind those money. It's MOTHER'S DAY!




I wanted to get the two durian cakes at first. Although I've tried one of it before but seriously it's really very very tempting. I'm a huge fan of durian by the way =) but well, I didnt get them at last because the smell of durian would spoil the other cakes.

I know on my previous post I uploaded more of my pictures with colleagues. XD this time family kay?
The family tree

I don't get to see my parents that often. Probably two to three times in a year. If you are still staying together with your parents, you will have no idea how does it really feels like living without parents. ok, it's not that bad. =P but very true, you appreciate your family more than ever. =)

One of my wishes since last year is to do a photoshoot with family in the studio. I want family portrait! When will my dreams come true?

Madam Kau! Selamat Hari Ibu

My mom is a superwoman!

I remember when I wasnt even five feet yet, I always struggling what to get for my mom for this very eventful day. What I was (still am) good at is doing arts. I made mother's day card every year for my mommy. But until a certain time that I know mom doesn't appreciate my artwork, i stopped doing cards. even though if you ask me to make a card for my friend's birthday right now, I would rather go and get one from a souvenir shop. I'm sick of doing handmade stuff and UHU glue and NT cutter.

I remember mommy told me not to buy anything for her because honestly, I couldn't get anything for her as she's only eyeing on branded stuff. She said, you give me money la. That's the best present already. HAHAHA

"mom, this is a prada bag for you"
allright, she seriously would think that I stole it from somewhere

colleagues

mommy was the one gave me pocket money everyday for school. It sounds ridiculous for me to give a few penny of mine to her during the Mother's Day right?

There was one year the creative me bought her a jar of coin chocolates.
You know, those wrapped with golden paper with embossed governor on it. but ended up my siblings and I ate all of them. HAHAHA

There was once my brother and I bought mommy a pot of roses from a florist shop. As in real roses that rot in few days. Mom was so delighted. really. honestly that was the best present of all the Mother's Day I ever had. but few days later, the pot was thrown in the trashbin. HAHAHHA

I remember I always thought that mommy was a superwoman. Everything she said, she did is always right. She taught me to be a grown-up, she canned me a lot with rattan, belt and other violent weapons when I was that notorious. We quarreled, we had cold war, we had tears, we had heartbreaking times. but she still loves me. I still love her. She's still my awesome mommy

When I've grown big enough to be independent, only I realized mommy is not that superwoman. Often times she needs her children to be by her side to guide and help her. When I've grown, I realized I have so much of responsibility perhaps not yet taking care of her but to solve problems by my own. No matter financially or dealing with everyday's life.



Now I realized both Lawson and I posed with a peace sign.

Lawson, yes we knew each other a year ago because of Mother's Day. Which marked a year already. All the best in your undertakings. XOXO, Cayenne

Last year's Mother's Day I only manage to ring her a short call. My mom was at the East of Malaysia but I was at the West. I chose to work in an Mother's Day Event via Enfa A+. I blogged about that last year.

Speaking about malay language, I love children calling their mom IBU rather than Mak or Emak. It's a sweet salutation. =)

For this year, I am celebrating Mother's Day with MOM, DAD, BIG SIS and BRO. The complete family is here this year with me! =)


I wonder, marking approximately ten years from now, there would be kids wishing me happy mother's day. OMG.. I dowan

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MADAM KAU =)

Online Dress Shopping for the Installation Night

No wonder I felt something really amiss. I nearly forget to blog about this one. So, for today's post I'm gonna share a little bit about my experience in online shopping. I've been browsing a lot of online boutiques and lenses since past few months. I know online shopping is something really trendy nowadays but it's always gotta do with the risk to do so.

Somehow at last, I did it. This is also due to I couldnt dig out any of my precious time for a real shopping. I know I sound pathetic. but no joke, the last time I went for a real shopping was during the chinese new year break, which was over three months ago *Slam myself to the table*

Facebook comes in handy in this situation. I can just spam for help and yea.. I've got some useful links from the facebookers. So, the trick was I'd narrowed down five dresses and I just had close one of my eyes by asking a friend of mine (you know who you are) to pick one for me. If I did not do so I would end up struggling for days to make the decision. Guys, no joke, girls can shop for the entire day from morning till night but did not get a single item back home.

Let me give you an example:

A girl eyed on a pretty dress but struggling should I? Should I? Ended up didnt get it on the spot but juggling into few more other shops before heading back to the previous shop to continue self-conflict should i? should i? Simple. ask a guy to make the decision for you.

so, this is the selected piece. I get this from HEARTS FASHION by COD through friend's friend.

i shouldnt put his lenglui's picture in this blogpost! she has taken away my focus point! HAHA
Me and the dirty mirror in the toilet. One fact about online shopping: the seller actually sew the clothes according to the picture. So, the picture you've seen might not turn out to be what you expected.

The dress is pretty good. at least it did not disappoint me. Just that it's really very loose on the upper part. I know my boobs are not big enough la. *blush* and it's really very impolite to pull and adjust your dress in the public. i know.

anyways, i'm not going to post all the Installation Night pictures. Or else it's gonna be a photo album as what 'somebody' criticized. XD Just some piles of picture for you to picture how's my new dress looks like.

THE MODEL FREAKING PRETTIER THAN ME! It's just illusion! photography skill! XD

I do not like to hangout during such peak period. I just look so deadly zombie'ish. zombie has to stay at home right? It's really frustrating to waste hours to groom/cover myself. Even though I've covered my eye bags and rings with lots of concealer but still I just look so tad bad for the day. Probably what I really need is a mask.

P.S: I'm gonna do more online shopping of dresses and contact lenses. since It's so convenient and cheap affordable!

recommend me some sites if you do have some good ones!

Prize Giving Ceremony and Ip Man 2 Screening

I'm suppose to post this up last week. I drafted this since last week but only manage to finish this up by today.

My winning notification HERE
and my blog entry HERE

So obvious from the title, I'd attended the prize giving ceremony last week. I was terribly LATE for the ceremony. Everyone was waiting for this late-malaysian-girl-never-reach-on-time to be there for the small prize giving ceremony. seriously i apologize here again because everyone was waiting for me.

anyways, picas!



The Big Boss of Eon Bank Group and I

the winners and the boss. me and kahyee

the winners=)

i won the second prize for the contest



a brand new waterproof, throw dogs also wont broken B2100 cellphone and a bluetooth headset WEP850 and i'd already sold it off. =)


and me posting a lansi pose showing i got four premier tickets for the IP MAN 2 screening later. HAHAH

and my guests for the night
cendy, xinhui and wayne. my giraffe teammate. the fours zombie crawled out to Damansara for a little short break. I really didnt know how did i survived in the cinema. I slept for like half and hour only on the day before. but surprisingly i didnt fall asleep! see how incredible awesome this movie was. =)



so the movie
i know everyone has posted their own movie review and rating. I'm slow i know. XD.
Ip Man 2 was the movie that i really really very looking forward. Glad to know that i've won the passes and able to watch the premier screening earlier than others. Indeed, it did not disappoint me. Donnie Yen is always that awesome with his wing chun kungfu stunts. This is a must-watch-movie people! my rating: 8.5/10